In 2017, Nick Simard wrote an article on the blog “Scary Mommy” titled 11 Things We Really Need To Stop Saying To Dads. His curated list contained common phrases dads may have even said to other dads – let alone what others have said to us.

This list speaks to the general perception of dads. And that often includes how dads are portrayed in mass media.

The reality is that what is expected of dads isn’t much. And sometimes dads fall into the trap of believing what others expect of them. But if you do, it may be impacting your ability to connect with the people that matter most.

Here’s the thing, dads. If we’re ever going to change the perception of dads, it requires us to drive the change in how we show up for our family. And that takes our full energy and commitment!

What does this look like when it comes to your most important relationships? If you can apply some of the following advice, you will see improved communication, less stress, and deeper connection with your family. The added benefit? The more we collectively make the commitment, and begin impacting our families for good, the more we’ll start to see a shift in the perception of dads.

To give you some examples, or affirm the great work you’re already doing, here are a few ways to invest energy and commitment into your family:

1. Intentionally prepare yourself (mentally and emotionally) for interactions with your family members.

An example might be taking a few minutes to let go of work stresses before you transition from work to home. In today’s ‘work from home’ climate, this is even more important. Set boundaries for yourself so that when you’re off the clock, you’ve let go of your work and can be mentally and emotionally present for your family.

Or get up a few minutes earlier to enjoy a cup of coffee and quiet time before everyone else gets up. Taking time for yourself is important for your overall well-being, and it helps you show up from a better place. Whatever you need to do to interact from a calm, peaceful, or focussed place – find it and make it a habit.

2. Commit to initiating connection with your family members in a way that serves their needs and helps them.

Yesterday I had an important call at 8:30am, but was alone with my young daughter for the 15 minutes leading up to it. I had a choice to make – sit with her and focus on her, or go to my office and do my own thing. I’m so glad that I took a few minutes to give her my undivided attention. In the 10 minutes we spent together, I heard and saw her creativity, energy, and excitement about a topic I didn’t realize mattered to her. By investing that time I gained valuable insight into her personality while building a positive connection between us.

Too often I’ve focused on my agenda at the expense of meeting their needs, so making this shift has made a big difference in our house, and in how I feel about my daily choices. Even if it’s just for 5 minutes, spending time and energy focused on them is critical.

3. Find ways to write down or record significant things that have happened to you and then share them with your partner (or your children as appropriate).

Initiating this conversation and sharing what is important / memorable for you invites them into your life and grows the relationship.

I know this may not come natural for many dads. It’s been a learning experience as I’ve worked to bring my family members into my thoughts, feelings, and passions. While there is no magic formula, one simple activity is sharing three things you’re grateful for with your family. In less than a minute, you can open a larger discussion and model positive perspectives.

4. Building connection takes stamina so that means you need to recharge.

Knowing two key things about yourself will help you.

1. What drains your energy
2. What restores your energy

In my case, time outside or exercise helps me recharge. When I feel pulled in all directions and like others are dictating how I spend my time – I get drained. To have the stamina needed to invest in my most important relationships, I must be very intentional and organized with my schedule.

Putting in the energy needed to build relationships can be exhausting, but it’s worth it. When you know what drains your energy vs what recharges your energy, you can make choices that maximize the return.

While we may not change everyone’s perception of dads, as Nick urged everyone to in his blog post, we can make a difference in our families. By committing energy to them, we will deepen the relationships and help our children develop the mental, emotional, social, and behavioural skills needed to grow into healthy adults. And when we do that often enough, we might just begin to create the change that’s needed.

Remember dads, you were made for this.