by John Hoffman

For my last Dad Central blog I tried to think of a manifesto that sums up my view of the fathering picture. What I came up with fits into seven short bullet points. I’ll get to those later. But first I have some thank yous. I’ve had an amazing run as a fatherhood writer and blogger, and I couldn’t have done it without the opportunities and support I got from a number of people.

I’ll start by thanking some people you’ve probably never heard of. The first one is my wife, Holly Bennett, who, besides being my partner in raising three wonderful young men, unwittingly launched my writing career (and pretty much taught me how to write).

John and Holly

Back in 1988, when Holly was the assistant editor of a pregnancy magazine called Great Expectations (GE), I came into her home office one day and began flipping through a book that had come in for review. I started making critical comments. She said, “Well, write us a review and if it’s any good we’ll publish it and pay you 25 bucks.” I read the book, wrote the review, it got published and the next thing you know Holly’s boss, Fran Fearnley, asked me to start writing a regular fatherhood column for GE.

Not long afterwards I was asked to start writing for Today’s Parent (TP), which was published by the same company as GE, and I thank various TP editors-in-chief, Fran Fearnley, the late Linda Lewis and Caroline Connell for giving me the opportunity to hone my craft and establish myself as one of Canada’s more prolific parenting writers (including lots of articles about dads.)

This is relevant, because the experience I got at GE and TP meant that when Dad Central’s predecessor, the Father Involvement Initiative – Ontario Network (FII-ON), came along and needed a scribe, I was ready. I had both professional writing chops and I’d also spent more time writing and thinking about fathers and fatherhood issues than, most likely, anyone else in Canada.

That brings me to Fernand Lozier, formerly with the Public Health Agency of Canada. Fernand did more than anyone else to get father involvement on the public and policy map in this country. He found the funding for most of those booklets I wrote for FII-ON, which are still available on the Dad Central site. Fernand was also instrumental in pulling together The Father Involvement Research Alliance (FIRA), which still ranks as the biggest fatherhood research project this country has ever seen.  Fernand “dragged” me along to meeting after meeting, assuring me that FIRA would need my skills at some point. He proved to be right. I worked part-time for FIRA for a couple of years and got to meet and hang out with some pretty interesting researchers and service providers. I also have to give a shout out to Kerry Daly, a now retired prof at the University of Guelph, who headed up the FIRA project and supported my work there (along with Linda Hawkins). Incidentally, Kerry was also the researcher whose work inspired my very first fatherhood feature for Today’s Parent.

Then, eight or so years ago, after Fernand had retired, the FIRA project was over, Today’s Parent had undergone “generational change”, and I figured I might have written my last fatherhood piece, Brian Russell was there. With Brian’s support (also support from Sobia Ali at the Public Health Agency of Canada) I was able to continue doing interesting fatherhood writing projects right up to today (including this blog for the past three years). Brian deserves an extra special acknowledgement for his incredibly effective leadership in not only keeping Canada’s father involvement movement going after Fernand’s retirement, but building and broadening it. So often I’ve seen initiatives fizzle after the original sparkplug person moved on. But that didn’t happen with the Canadian Father Involvement Initiative thanks to Brian.

Lastly I want to thank all the dads I’ve interviewed. I couldn’t tell you how many guys I’ve talked to, but it’s been lots. These men have shared their ideas, worries, and their experiences with their kids. I enjoyed talking to them and learning from them. And I like to think that in sharing their experiences, concerns, joys and thoughts we were able to provide some perspective and insight to a fair number of guys (and possibly, moms too). Thanks guys!

Now for my wee fatherhood manifesto, or if you will, Hoffman’s 7 habits of “good enough” fathers. It’s pretty simple.

1. Look after your kids.
2. Connect with your kids (and keep reconnecting and reconnecting).
3. Have fun with your kids.
4. Work as a team with your spouse/partner (if you have one).
5. Support the mother of your children (do your best to understand and honour her experience of motherhood).
6. Do your best to understand and reduce the stressors that affect your child’s behaviour and moods. Because stress affects kids’ behaviour more than a lot of people realize.
7. Get support from as many people as you can—your parents, your in-laws, extended family, friends, other fathers and community programs and professionals if need be.

Do all these things, and I’d say you have a really good chance to the dad you want to be. Good luck!

Thanks everybody for reading. It’s been a privilege to be a fatherhood writer and blogger. Over and out…

ed note: John, you have made a difference in this world.  The number of people (adults and children) who have been impacted by your thoughtful writing on is huge.  Thank you for being committed to fatherhood and parenting over the long-haul.  May retirement bring you rest and new adventures.