by John Hoffman
One of the very first articles I wrote for fathers was about touch. That’s because, as a new dad, one of my first “aha moments” was that touch was, in many ways, the main “language” of communication with newborn babies. Everything I’ve learned since then—the research I’ve read, interviews with child development experts, and my continued experience as a dad—confirms that first early fatherhood lesson.
I don’t mean that spoken language isn’t important. It definitely is important for babies to hear the language (or languages) of their culture. That helps their brains get ready to understand and communicate with words. But touch is so important in a broader way. Touching is how dads and babies get to know each other. And of course, most of the things you do to look after babies – cuddling, bathing, comforting, carrying, changing -involve touch. So it is a central part of a baby’s life.
Touch is also so important for brain development. Did you know, for example, that of all the senses, touch is the one that is most mature at birth? In other words, a baby’s experience of loving touch has an impact on the development of their other senses. Let’s think about what that means. Learning how to think starts with the brain learning how to make sense of all the sensory information in a baby’s environment – sights, sounds, smells, how things feel. The sense of touch is the foundation for all of that!
The other day I came upon a piece of research that showed another way that touch is important, particularly for babies who we tend to think of as “difficult.” I mean, more difficult to care for. These are the babies who are more easily upset and harder to soothe.
Researchers followed a group of kids from the time they were newborns to age four and five. What they found was that the amount of touch children received had a measurable biological effect on the way some of the children’s genes expressed themselves.
Gene expression is complicated, but here’s the simple version. It’s not just what genes we have that affect how we turn out. Genes have to be “expressed,” or, to put it more simply, “turned on.” That happens in a variety of ways. But sometimes a gene can be “turned on,” or not, depending on the experiences we have. For example, some people have a version of a gene that puts them at increased risk for depression. But that gene only get’s turned on by trauma, or a larger than normal number of negative experiences in childhood.
Back to the study. Parents were asked to keep track of a lot of things about their babies, including how easily upset and hard to soothe the babies were, and also the amount of care the babies got that involved bodily contact. The big finding was that if babies had been more easily distressed and got low levels of touch, their molecular mechanisms that manage how genes are expressed weren’t functioning as well at age four and five. But those mechanisms were functioning well in the easily distressed babies who got a lot of touch.
It’s all very complicated. If you want to know more, this news article will tell you a little bit more about the study. But you don’t need to know all the ins and outs of this research. The point is it confirms something that we already knew. Babies need lots of touch, especially the ones who are more easily distressed and harder to soothe.
So, I’ve got a few take home messages.
- Don’t let anybody tell you that you’re spoiling your baby or making her overly dependent by holding her too much.
- It’s often a little harder for fathers to get comfortable holding and caring for newborns. Getting comfortable takes experience, and mothers get more hands-on experience in the early days. So make sure you get your holding time.
- Touch is not only good for babies. It’s good for fathers. It helps our bodies make more oxytocin – a hormone that helps us connect with our kids.
But here’s the most important takeaway. If you happen to be “blessed” with a fussy, hard to soothe baby, take heart. There are probably times when you walk the floor trying to comfort your baby and it’s not working very well. But actually, you are helping: in the longer run. That physical contact is leaving a positive footprint on your child’s genes. So tuck that in the back of your mind, to pull out when you need a little boost of parenting hope and strength.
Want to read more on this? Check out Daddy, I Need You.