by Justin Tsui

“A man must be big enough to admit his mistakes, smart enough to profit from them, and strong enough to correct them.”

– John C. Maxwell

I will be the first to admit that I’ve always struggled with parenting, especially with my son Tyler. It’s an area of my life that has never come easy to me and I have to put a lot of conscious effort into it.  A couple of years ago my wife, Elesha, asked me a question that “rocked me” and left me speechless. “How are you so patient and understanding with the young men you coach, but you’re so hard on your own son?” It was a tough, but fair question and one that I still reflect on constantly.

Tyler and I enjoying time together

For my entire teaching and coaching career I invested a great deal of effort and energy into creating and building great relationships with all my students and athletes. This investment paid off as I was often able to have a great rapport with the students and athletes I worked with. For years I wanted to achieve the same level of success in my personal life with Tyler, but was never able to. I felt so conflicted because I wanted to do better but I never felt like I could put it together over a consistent period of time. It always looked so easy for other dads, but I felt like I was just missing something. It wasn’t that I didn’t love or care about our relationship, but whenever I felt tired, frustrated or annoyed that I would bark or snap at him. What frustrated me the most was that I was demonstrating the exact same behaviours and actions that my dad modelled with me, which I resented growing up.

I knew that I was capable of being a great dad because I had been a father-like figure for so many other young men during my teaching and coaching career. I simply needed to demonstrate the same behaviours and actions that I used with other people’s kids – and apply them with my own son.

Over the last few months I have worked much harder on my relationship with Tyler. This extra effort has allowed our relationship to continue to grow and we are much closer than we have ever been. Yes, I still occasionally notice myself slipping and falling back into old “unconscious” habits. I notice myself sometimes being overly judgmental, too critical and unsympathetic to his personal growth journey. But these challenges are all part of the human experience, right? I used to really beat myself up when I would experience these slip ups but I now use them as an opportunity to recommit to my growth process.

Most people talk about changing things in their life but very few are willing to commit to putting in the daily reps and sets to get better. The setbacks we face at times are a valuable opportunity for us to demonstrate to our kids the importance of always being willing to better yourself. I have found that having a stronger relationship with Tyler has helped me be a happier, healthier and wealthier version of myself. This has allowed me to better accept myself, to be a better husband to Elesha and better dad for my kids.

How have I been able to I nurture and grow my relationship with Tyler?

✅ I look for opportunities to share time doing things we both enjoy. Tyler has always loved to read and has recently started enjoying Jocko Willink’s book series, The Warrior Kid. I will lay in his bed at night and he will read a chapter from the book to me. After Tyler is done reading we talk about what he learned from the chapter and how he could apply it to his own life. I then give him a hug and kiss good night.

An interesting thing is happening… Tyler has started to form new behaviours and habits. Tyler wakes-up earlier, he makes his mom a tea, makes himself eggs and a banana for breakfast, reads books and then wants to do a 4-minute movement blast before school. When I asked him what prompted some of these changes Tyler told me he does it because that’s what a Warrior Kid does. Yesterday he told me at the bus stop before school that “discipline equals freedom.” A classic line from Jocko.

I’m in awe of seeing this young man grow and evolve into the best version of himself before my eyes. It reminds me WHY I chose to embrace this current journey I am on – a life of constant personal growth and self-development. It’s about giving myself more freedom with my time so I have more energy to invest into the people and things that truly matter to me.

About The Author – Justin Tsui

I recently left a successful 15-year teaching and coaching career to focus full-time on the Win Each Day community. I coach other men ? to PLAY at their highest potential in all areas of life ?. I’m committed to helping inspire and empower more men to create and cultivate the life of THEIR dreams.

Ways to connect with the Win Each Day community:

• Connect with me on LinkedIn, join our online community on Facebook, follow us on Instagram, or subscribe to my Youtube channel
• Join our Win Each Day Academy (monthly membership community), or find out more at www.wineachday.net